There’s a video gone viral about a teen, her dad, and her laptop…yes, that one.
I’ve read many accounts praising the dad’s actions and very few condoning his own behaviour. Given that and my own life experiences, I can’t get the thought out…if respect is earned, why then do we demand it of children/teens?
I have a child, ten years-old. It’s my role as her mom to teach her, guide her, nurture her, even correct her. However, in order to keep her safe I also have to go against all those life lessons and tell her it’s okay and proper to yell, scream, say no, kick, fight an adult who doesn’t have her best interest in hand.
What kind of confusing message is that…respect your elders, but not in these circumstances. Respect your elders, even if they don’t respect you?
Is it more respectful to use titles…Aunt June, Uncle Reggie, Mr. Blah, Mrs. Bleech…or more important to show and give respect through your treatment and actions?
I had neighbours who preferred their sons to call me Mrs. Chris. When my child was young I started the same until new neighbours/friends said, no, no need for Mrs. your child…their child…is each our friend. There is no lack of respect, but a gain in personal friendship which opens the door as one more adult each of our children can go to in time of trouble.
At least that’s how I feel toward those adult friends I grew up around.
My youngest nephew/niece is two; my oldest 30ish. I follow their parents’ lead and then at some point it changes to my nephew/niece’s lead. While I’ll always love being their aunt, as lives grow so do titles.
My closest aunts and uncles, I rarely call aunt/uncle. Those I do call Aunt/Uncle…yes, the caps are felt…are distant from me, emotionally and in my life. My respect to aunts/uncles is just there…deeply there. My respect for Aunts/Uncles is there because it’s supposed to be there.
I’m mama, at this moment. I’ve been cried for as mommy. I’ve been mom a few times. I’m sure I’ll be Mother at some point in the upcoming years. While not a title, not a job, not a duty, my parental name is unique among any my child will use.
I do not demand respect from my child. I hope I am teaching respect, giving it, earning it, deserving it. I hope each day I earn and will continue to earn my child’s respect. That it is given freely and not because it’s something that must be.