I’ve had an epiphany just now. Am I known for me or for the person others have shaped me into being? This isn’t to say I don’t have control over who I am, but do we not all fall into patterns when around others. Roles made from our actions and reactions that are only needed, only played out when in certain circles. Roles others may, or demand, us to hold.
How long does it take to know someone? Do you ever stop learning who someone is or do you reach a point you know their essence and it is this that grows larger and deeper?
Yesterday I mentioned I interviewed with the RCMP…Royal Canadian Mounted Police, for those unfamiliar. As you can probably tell nothing more came from this. I think I surprised my friend. It wasn’t something that fits who I am today, not something anyone would have thought was I.
What else has been learned about me, which doesn’t fit who I’m supposed to be?
I write this partially because of today’s social media. The internet and its vast social media programs, sites, groupings keeps expanding the world we live in. This week alone I’ve been in contact with two people I haven’t seen nor spoken with in thirty-one years. By joining yet another application, two others have decided to include me in their internet circle. Do I remember these other two? Vaguely, I think, but still there’s a warmth inside. Someone else is curious about someone, a time, from their past.
Looking at my cyber social circle, how many who think they knew me, knew any of my current likes, thought processes, beliefs? How many do I know have surprised me with their likes, thoughts, beliefs?
Some feel you cannot have a true connection to someone you’ve never met; face to face meet that is. They’re wrong…for me, they are wrong.
For themselves, they may be correct.
Social media, the internet’s social life, thrives on self-expression, sharing, and a bit of daring. The dare to open yourself to someone, many someones, you can’t see. When face-to-face we read body language, facial remarks, and from there internally judge whether to continue, pull back, or shut down.
Be honest, it is frightening to open ourselves up to others. We’re judged no matter where we go or do, you believe this or not. Some stranger passing you by has looked and made a judgement…has pigeon-holed you into their mental filing cabinet. They may never open that file again, but you’ve been placed there.
And then we even judge ourselves by assuming what others might (and most likely are not) thinking about us. As dad would say…never assume, it only makes an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me’. How it could make an arse out of the other person, I don’t know. If you’re assuming I’m thinking you’re this, that, or the other thing, why does your assumption make me an arse? Or is it because you’ve already filed me, incorrectly, as being one? Have I done the same?
I am awkward. I’m shy. I am a worrying self-judger who doubts me too much. I don’t know if I’m judging you as not being interested in what I have to offer or if I’m judging myself as not having something of interest.
I’m also silly, goofy, a strong listener, will stand by your side when you need someone. I protect those who are mine. I’m stronger than you’ll ever know and just as more scared than you’ll ever know.
In the end, the epiphany was never…do you know me…but, do I know myself.
Yes, I do.